You know I was thinking that a good subject to talk about this week would be hate crime and racism. And to be honest it is a great subject. However… Bees and their use seem to be more of an issue for me at the moment.

Now I can understand what they do.. They live in a large social hierarchical structure. Everybody knows their job. The men do the housework, the women go out and raid the local flora whilst the queen sits about all self important barking orders and producing even more winged stripey devils. Now this works and they are the most important pollinating insect that the planet has. There is a bit of a burning question about all of this for me though..

what the *%@’ is the point in the *%@’ing stings?

Wasps I understand. They hunt for food. If you hunt and you’re aggresive and poisonous you need something to back you up. There’s no point in acting all hard and scary to your dinner if you aren’t tooled up. I mean, it’s like having a crowd of sweary clubbers at the door with a 7 foot bouncer trying to get rid of them with poetry and incidental music. So wasps thumbs up.

But Bees? I mean what is the point? Do they normally run into problems with rock-hard daffodils trying to withold their stash of pollen from them? Are they frequently involved in bar fights with pampas grass? No so they don’t need their damn stings. Get rid of the stings and chill out. You have nobody to fight, stupid bees.

And if you’re thinking it’s to stop us stealing their hunny, you’re wrong. Every bee that is worth his salt knows that the beekeeper is the only person after his hunny, and he mellows them all out with his crazy smoking teapot.

Come on bees, give your stings back. You’re not big and you’re not clever.

Right, so the website is now up and running. I must apologise for not giving you anything wtf in the last week, but I’ve been kind of busy working on the new look. I am trawling through the world wide wank to try and find you something that will excite and enthrall though so don’t give up hope, PLEASE! In the meantime, check out my flickr site (link to the left) and also why not pay these great podcast sites a visit?:

Geek News Central
The Daily Source Code
Nobody Likes Onions

I will promise to deliver some wtf before the weekend’s out.. I guarantee it!.. Or help me God… Hmm religion?? Like wtf?

OK, OK, we’ve all been there or we know someone who has, or wish it on our worst enemies.. Yeap the bad costume syndrome is truly a marvel to behold.

I think you can approach this particular abomination from two sides. The first usually involves a well wishing parent thinking that their pumpkin would look nice dressed as roadkill or intestines or something equally as appealing to the eye. Or at least that’s the impression everybody else gets when their particular creation is unleashed upon the world.

The second side is the mentality of somebody who would actually dress themselves up in something that would instantly lower their social status to just ever so slightly below the common ear infection. The kids can’t voice their distaste without an ungrateful stare being cast back in their direction, so we can’t blame them. However, the adults who went out and bought their own personal freak magnet can and should realise when a mistake has been made!

I don’t understand how the majority of people can stare and wonder why such a creation exists or what possessed that person/company to make it, only on the other hand to find the person wearing it that seems to be from another planet not understanding why everybody else is laughing at them!

I mean, the guy to the left has probably spent an absolutely obscene amount of time with polystyrene, paint, original art and countless hours on the internet crafting his costume into something to be proud of, only at the end to make himself look like a complete and utter dick. I mean, would you let this guy in your house? I mean really??? Check out the guy’s website though, because it really is something special in the world of distasteful crap. 100% for skill with polystyrene, 0% for style or cudos. I think the sad thing is that he’s quite proud of his abominations. [www.marksprojects.com]

And last but not least is a website that specialises in what can only be described as “things that make you go aaaagggghhhh.” And sell them at a premium. When I saw the picture to the right, I actually thought I was on the set of the Wizard of Oz with a real monkey (with attitude) about to turn my magical butt into banana juice. Thankfully on closer inspection it is a simple matter of a social retard trying his best to look like a man trying to crap a tree out of his ass. Thankfully if you follow the link, you can find a fine selection of Wizard of Oz costumes that I’m sure countless numbers of insane asylm escapees have used to scare off potential friends with.

As you can tell, I have concentrated mainly on the adults in this blog because I think they are the ones to blame in this matter. They can not be trusted. They can not be allowed to continue. They must be stopped. I mean, would you give monkey man the key to your house?

Firstly, sorry for the delay. Secondly, who the hell thought this was a good idea…!??

[nosepilot.com] is an interesting audio visual extravaganza in spanish. No hang on, that’s not quite right… It’s a newage artistic dip into the flash waters of the internet. Nope still not there. It’s, um, crap.. That’s better. That pretty much sums it all up.

I can only guess that the creators are “musicians” (in the loosest sense) with an “artistic” (again the very possibly loosest sense) slant. The only trouble is that you are never really quite sure what you’re watching, or if you can belly another minute of it while you do. I must admit I didn’t make it to the end - the embarrasment of those around me as well as myself was enough to press the close box before I could muster more than two “wtf’s.” It should be a good cure for constipation though..

I think the real shame about this all is that some of the technical and artistic talent used to create this animation is almost promising. I’m not saying it’s good or anything, I just think there is [plenty] of room for development. It’s just the execution, the subject material, the child-like drawings and the background music that turns it into a pile of crap… Hang on, that’s everything.

What the hell, be brave and click the link, but don’t blame me for the embolism.

This is it. The decision has been made… Lucky for me, unlucky for you poor readers. This is the blog that will hopefully ask the question that you can answer… I’m alt and I’m wondering wtf???

A short ethos:

• This is our place for the relentless diggings of cyber-detritus that populates the internet in it’s farthest corners.
• This is our place for those pages where we arrived and wondered why we wanted to click the link.
• This is our place for things that make us wonder how they were ever conceived, let alone created.
• This is our place of wonder for the human mould that spawns on our planet.
• This is the place for all things that scare us.
• This is heaven for everything from hell.

I hope over the coming days/weeks/years we can explore together the huge piles of wierdness that hides under the stairs of the great internet house.

Check back soon for posts of things that shouldn’t be….